Last of the Chemo-hicans and the Dawn of a New Data

I am so happy to announce that my wife and I are finally done with Chemo! Sarah Kay went through a scan to double check everything and they said we were clear! Just a few spots to monitor over the next several months/years to make sure it doesn't come back. If it does come back, it usually happens sooner than later (but it's unlikely with our treatment that it will come back). So for now we will meet every 3 months for a year, then every 6 months for two years, then every year after that until we get sick and tired of seeing the doctor. Oh the irony!

So really, I'm just happy to move on with bigger and better things. Which is why my wife and I went on a super spontaneous adventure for a tour of the West Coast!

Provo -> Pullman, WA -> Seattle -> Olympic National Park -> Portland, OR -> Redwoods, CA -> San Francisco -> Sacramento -> Salt Flats, UT -> Provo. Here is us at a visit to Stanford. Check out instagram.com/derek.mllr for more photos.

So now things get rollin'. SK (nickname for Sarah Kay) is in school taking a lighter load to ease back into the swing of things. And there is no easing back into nothin' for me! I'm taking a beast-load of math classes. We had homework to work on before school even started that's how beast-load-ish this is. I decided to record my time spent doing homework (which really helps my focus surprisingly) and I'm shocked at how much time I've spent already. Just today I spent 480 minutes (8 hours) on only two assignments, both due today, with one due at 9 am (I got up at 5:30 to finish it) and 5 pm. It's only day 3 and I've spent 746 minutes (12.43 hours) in total homework time FOR ONLY 2 CLASSES. This semester is going to be nuts. But despite the lack of time, I hope to get some personal projects done. I'm such an optimist. Optimist Prime.

Poetic Short Story

Past Connections

May I have your attention?

I make mention, as is convention, of a retrospective memory:

Once I wandered in a wordless world.

I could not read or write.

All I knew was what I saw and heard without reading words, only reading minds of different kinds of people as best I could. That is to say there was a way of communicating by emulating their speech of spoken sounds—hisses and a click, clack percussive pounding in their mouths.

There was an obvious rhythm in the tune of their tones, as if their ancient ancestors beat big stones with strong sticks drumming the

tick-et-a tick-et-a tack,

tick-et-a tick-et-a tack

smack! into their DNA, making what they say easy on the ears but hard for the head.

What they said was hardly comprehended in my shallow-minded shell but I could tell they were sincere. My fear was that inferior hearing was interfering with my cleverness; nevertheless the unwritings which I audibly read led me to believe in their wonder worlds.

In particular, I remember the shaman mother from a shanty town. Down and down she took me to a valley drenched in desert where there were baobabs by the way we walked. She talked of some sickened tree-stalk bearing the fruit of the morrow—the beginning and the end of sorrow.

It had a name; I had heard it once before and what it held in store for those who chose to count it for naught. To this day, I still can’t say it correctly so excuse me for my nameless nomenclature. She spoke it, though, and spoke of it—intuitive to her native tongue and culture. Kind and caring she showed me the tree and branch still daring to live, still living to dream. My fingers felt the feeble wing whose ever singing song of hope helped me to cope with uncertainty and pain.

Then it began to rain.

The shaman mother said it was the spirits of the dead, their tears searing the soul of the branch to the roll of the thunder.

My mind in wonder finally understood.

The land was alive and thrived on hope, with past generations influencing present nations and kingdoms of nature. Shaman mother showed me what words can’t communicate. Our unsung ancestors are among us, sending us blessings of rain to soothe the pain of life.

So as I wandered in a wordless world where I could not read or write, I learned the language of the lost and found the connection to my past at last.

—DGM, 15 May 2015

Python Boot Camp

If you are interested in learning the Python programming language at BYU over Spring/Summer 2015, click on the survey below.

Python Boot Camp Survey

This will be geared towards those who have a basic understanding of programming concepts and those who will be starting the ACME program in the Fall.

Poem: Copper Jungle

Copper Jungle

HyperTexting in a Markup Language

Made-up Language, Make-up Language

which populates our world with indigenous data

search engine beta and studies in Stata.

The sounds in the Amazon are filled with Tweets

near copper currents of Cascading Style Sheets

where high-level Pythons and gems called Rubies

demand a tribute of Jamba Juice Smoothies.

This is the jungle of yes and no

where currents flow and data grow.

We want to know where it will go

so we can learn things we don’t know.

Endless developing by spreadsheet monkeys

Excel junkies, donut dunkies

please continue to show us how capable you R

birds above par ever raising the bar.

It’s perspiration of our project nation

JavaScripting in Object Notation

that spawns a species of data generation

which comes from the feces of private information.

This canopy of algorithms we can’t see

covers up the sun with each binary tree.

We search and oogle and Google up a storm

respecting the rules of a complicated norm.

WE are the jungle of yes and no;

our currents flow and data grow.

Information tells us where to go

and many other things we don’t know.

That’s what I call Jungle Fever.

Yes.

That’s what I call Jungle Fever.

—Derek Miller, 21 March 2015

Poem: Convergence

Convergence

If I just go far enough

I’ll find it.

I set my mind in transit

augmenting vision with revision.

I begin to see the things that be

between each step past from last

to first where I began; and spanning

a seeable path now behind

I fathom

into the infinite.

If I just search long enough

It’ll be found.

Continuously searching for each bound

that frames endless names,

I begin to see a profoundly

repeating divide where I’d

make visible the invisible

realm yet ahead, contained

and spreading

into eternity.

And just enough, I stared at it

and found the limit.

Now I carry it

in my pocket.

—Derek Miller, 4 March 2015

Poem: Dense

Dense

One step here and there.

My move and you’re still

but I can’t find you

or the path to where you are.

(pause)

You are not isolated

and I’m on my way

to whatever gate draws the line

of your restricted neighborhood.

(stop)

Behind the walls around

that keep me out of bounds

I invent myself through the open interval

to acceptance among your own.

(pause)

Now I’m here, but where?

The fullness which you fill!

Yet nowhere in sight

from any point of mine.

(stop)

In becoming acquainted,

unknown neighbors pass away

the confines of your connected circle

one by one must narrow in.

(pause)

Although you’re sought, not found,

gradually I can hear your sounds

and unmoving by will, not force

you are the limit of my need to know.

Don’t stop.

—Derek Miller, 10 March 2015

Poem: The Infinite Root

The Infinite Root

We can indeed

commune with the infinite;

the dedicated heart and mind

in effortful pursuit of truth

will find it.

And so he did, this man:

he made a claim which claimed his life

taken from him by his own kind

who thought not revelation

more powerful than convention.

A square triangulated

uniting two entities

with just one line,

so the legend goes…

Measure the line joining opposing corners

asking is it possible that a fraction

could describe the length of the line in question

after we square it?

Choosing very carefully numbers, letters

representing integers of a fraction

fully reduced, simplified into lowest

terms, we continue.

Note that with more algebra, we can show that

one of these two numbers, the top one, will be

even since it’s equal to twice some other

integer out there.

With this information, we know this even

number can be carefully crafted, squared and

then by two divided; the bottom number

also is even.

What we just discovered has led us to a

simple contradiction since both the even

numbers make a fraction which must again be

simplified further.

Measure the line joining opposing corners

knowing that there cannot exist a fraction

that describes the length of the line in question

after we square it.

Suppose it is true.

Can you find the contradiction?

We can indeed

commune with the infinite.

—Derek Miller, 24 February 2015

Poem: Cancer

Cancer

Cancer

has changed a lot of things

but most interesting of all it brings

a multiplicity of perspectives

and an increased propensity

to use my hells and damns.

—Derek Miller, 19 March 2015

Poem: Moore Laws

Moore Laws

It’s a 2-digit syntax we all speak

but don’t understand.

It’s something we made

but not what we planned.

Off and on hearing human phonics

while on and off go the electronics.

Anglophone, lusophone, francophone,

and so on,

but the truth is we’re all onaphone.

Upload.

Download.

Overload.

Moore’s law just adds more laws.

—Derek Miller, 21 Março 2015

Poem: Morning Run

Morning Run

It’s dark.

Today, I am the one who rises;

the sun wakes up to find me

waiting for her to begin the day.

It’s early

and slowly I feel the fog lift;

the dew of my morning mind

collected on my forehead

evaporates into the blanket of stillness

in which I am wrapped.

It’s calm.

But these ripples in the air

are caused by my movement

along the still, dry riverbed

running and bending up the mountain

to somewhere I have yet to know.

It’s loud.

My body chants to the drumbeat

set by the pace of each stride

and in my ears, the rhythm of my blood

mixes with the hurricane outside

in the ritual of praised endurance.

I’m thirsty.

I drink the cold and frigid air

fueling fire in my lungs

evicted as a cloud of vapor

and taste the saltwater rain

dripping from my face into my mouth.

I’m free.

Consistency in rhythmic motion is a dance.

Around and down from side to side

when on occasion my twisted form

slips on the forest path, I glide

retaining balance in graceful chaos.

I’m warm.

Painful passion fuels the embers

warding off fatigue, the predator

who lies in shadows of the mind

watching the waning light of will

which struggles, but will not go out.

I’m complete.

Today, my spent strength buys me vitality;

recovering from accumulated debt, I turn

and offer thanks to the source of wealth and view.

—Derek Miller, 9 March 2015

Cancer Round 2

ESPN Health Plus

UFC

SK vs H. Lymphoma

Bob: Here we are at the UVRMC about to witness Round 2 of 12 in what is proving to be an interesting fight early on in this battle for the Chemotherapy Champion Title.

Randy: That's right Bob. It's definitely been interesting to watch. You know, H. Lymphoma was really coming into this confident and looking strong. He knew that SK had been dealing with some Crohns disease injuries that were leaving her weak and underweight.

Bob: Yeah, she didn't quite look like she was strong enough to fight when the Round 1 started.

Randy: Well she held her own, even in those first few minutes of the round when things were pretty aggressive and even made quite a comeback in the last half of the first round.

Bob: We really didn't see much of H. Lymphoma in that second half and you know, that's been pretty typical of him. Early on in his career when his record was better, he was able to keep that intensity going throughout and that got him a lot of rounds and a lot of wins. But his style is very predictable now so his opponents know how to run him down even in these first few rounds. With the strategy that SK has, if H. Lymphoma doesn't adapt, he'll be a goner.

Randy: Absolutely. And to put the spotlight on SK for a minute, she has been phenomenal in her preparation for this fight. A lot of people who are injured early on in the season might find an excuse to lighten their training, but we only saw more training, more preparation and hard work from SK that seems to have paid off in the first round. She's tough; she's dedicated; and she's got a lot of guts! H. Lymphoma might be predictable but we can't forget to admire the kind of talent that's come from SK early in this fight.

Bob: You're right Randy, and I'm sure we'll see more of it in this next round that's about to begin. It's Round 2 of 12 for SK and H. Lymphoma set to begin in just a few minutes right here on ESPN Health Plus.

Chemotherapy

Tuesday is the beginning of chemotherapy. We have never felt so excited. I'm sure there are not too many people out there who are excited to start chemotherapy but it's funny how you want things you can't have—even if they are not fun things. As we've been gearing up for this next six months (this time for real) chemotherapy is suddenly less abstract than it has been. Still, we feel prepared to go through with it. It's not going to be fun, but we are ready to face it head on.

Sarah Kay went in for surgery to get a port installed so she doesn't have to get an IV every chemo treatment (they can access the port located just under her skin). She also went in for another CT scan so we can see what the cancer looks like just before treatment. That way, we will know how effectively the chemo is working.

With chemo just two days away, old emotions are finding their way back into my life. There are lots of unknowns. It takes some guts to face a situation and accept whatever will happen. We've prepared ourselves as best we know how. We improve the things we can control and pray for the strength to accept the things we cannot. We are positive and optimistic.

Tomorrow is cleaning day. We want everything to start off clean so that she doesn't get sick while her immune system is compromised.

Uncancerification

Good news! My wife Sarah Kay hasn't lost any weight for a whole month. Still sticking around 88 pounds. The doctor said that she probably won't gain any weight while she still has cancer but at least we are maintaining. Also, we were given the "go ahead" for chemotherapy! Exciting in many directions. This signals the end of dealing with the worst of Crohn's Disease but also the beginning of a chemically turbulent 6 months. We will be starting chemo in two weeks and she will have a session every 15 days until the end of July. We believe that with proper nutrition, we can help the chemo work more effectively and reduce some of the nasty symptoms that come with it. We will see how that goes.

Some people have asked how I'm able to cope with all this. Well I don't really know. I guess the best I can do is to tell a story.

Recently, I started waking up every morning at 5:45 to exercise. So yesterday morning, in the spirit of exercise, I decided to go on a run as I had for the past few mornings. I took my phone because I wanted to jam out to funky music while I ran. Since it was dark in the wee hours of the morning, I ran carefully. However, as I turned the corner near the top of the Provo Temple, my body decided it would rather have me ice skating than running. As I was unprepared for this sudden change of events, I took a rather nasty tumble to the ground. I stayed there for a few seconds thinking such thoughts as "ouch" and "my knee" and "wow the stars are pretty in the morning". Then I rolled over to look at my phone.

Broken. Very broken.

I rolled back over and said, "Damn it."*
Then I thought, "I probably shouldn't say that so close to the temple."
Then to make it up to God, I said, "Well at least it's a broken phone and not a broken bone."
Then my knee started hurting pretty bad and I thought, "Damn, I spoke too soon."**

Fortunately, my knee was just scrapped up good and not broken. Eventually I got up, walked it off, and finished my run. It still hurts and I've got bandages on it but hey that's life. I went through phone withdrawals yesterday but it was kind of nice to just not have it. Plus, I got to look at my phone as an experiment. It was kind of cool how it broke and I can see the inner workings of some of the parts. Ya I will probably have to get a new phone but hey, this is an opportunity to learn something.

Now let's set one thing straight. My phone is not Sarah Kay in this analogy. My phone is a symbol of when life throws a curveball at you. One moment, life is in perfect condition and then things change. And change can be kind of cool. Change gives us opportunities to learn. We can either accept or reject this offer. The temptation is to think about all the things we can't control and commiserate together. But that gets nowhere. Instead, we are looking at what we can control and learning as much as we can about cancer, nutrition, diseases, nursing, psychology, service, compassion, dedication, finances, healthcare, experimentation, time management, and how people can help us. It's awesome that I have a wife who loves to learn and share what she learns with others. Learning, by study and by faith, is how we thrive. Notice, I didn't say "get through it". Ya, sometimes, it sucks but when you are learning so much together and focusing on doing what you can, life stays awesome.

Ok so now for the math plug. I have to because I'm a math major.

Sometimes, life throws tough problems at you. Infinity is a pretty big problem. So is cancer. But we work through problems to become stronger and smarter than we were before. And that's learning. And even though the problem is hard, learning feels really good.

*I did actually say and think these things

**I don't usually swear like this. My apologies to those who might be offended or surprised.