Tuesday is the beginning of chemotherapy. We have never felt so excited. I'm sure there are not too many people out there who are excited to start chemotherapy but it's funny how you want things you can't have—even if they are not fun things. As we've been gearing up for this next six months (this time for real) chemotherapy is suddenly less abstract than it has been. Still, we feel prepared to go through with it. It's not going to be fun, but we are ready to face it head on.
Sarah Kay went in for surgery to get a port installed so she doesn't have to get an IV every chemo treatment (they can access the port located just under her skin). She also went in for another CT scan so we can see what the cancer looks like just before treatment. That way, we will know how effectively the chemo is working.
With chemo just two days away, old emotions are finding their way back into my life. There are lots of unknowns. It takes some guts to face a situation and accept whatever will happen. We've prepared ourselves as best we know how. We improve the things we can control and pray for the strength to accept the things we cannot. We are positive and optimistic.
Tomorrow is cleaning day. We want everything to start off clean so that she doesn't get sick while her immune system is compromised.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Uncancerification
Good news! My wife Sarah Kay hasn't lost any weight for a whole month. Still sticking around 88 pounds. The doctor said that she probably won't gain any weight while she still has cancer but at least we are maintaining. Also, we were given the "go ahead" for chemotherapy! Exciting in many directions. This signals the end of dealing with the worst of Crohn's Disease but also the beginning of a chemically turbulent 6 months. We will be starting chemo in two weeks and she will have a session every 15 days until the end of July. We believe that with proper nutrition, we can help the chemo work more effectively and reduce some of the nasty symptoms that come with it. We will see how that goes.
Some people have asked how I'm able to cope with all this. Well I don't really know. I guess the best I can do is to tell a story.
Recently, I started waking up every morning at 5:45 to exercise. So yesterday morning, in the spirit of exercise, I decided to go on a run as I had for the past few mornings. I took my phone because I wanted to jam out to funky music while I ran. Since it was dark in the wee hours of the morning, I ran carefully. However, as I turned the corner near the top of the Provo Temple, my body decided it would rather have me ice skating than running. As I was unprepared for this sudden change of events, I took a rather nasty tumble to the ground. I stayed there for a few seconds thinking such thoughts as "ouch" and "my knee" and "wow the stars are pretty in the morning". Then I rolled over to look at my phone.
Broken. Very broken.
I rolled back over and said, "Damn it."*
Then I thought, "I probably shouldn't say that so close to the temple."
Then to make it up to God, I said, "Well at least it's a broken phone and not a broken bone."
Then my knee started hurting pretty bad and I thought, "Damn, I spoke too soon."**
Fortunately, my knee was just scrapped up good and not broken. Eventually I got up, walked it off, and finished my run. It still hurts and I've got bandages on it but hey that's life. I went through phone withdrawals yesterday but it was kind of nice to just not have it. Plus, I got to look at my phone as an experiment. It was kind of cool how it broke and I can see the inner workings of some of the parts. Ya I will probably have to get a new phone but hey, this is an opportunity to learn something.
Now let's set one thing straight. My phone is not Sarah Kay in this analogy. My phone is a symbol of when life throws a curveball at you. One moment, life is in perfect condition and then things change. And change can be kind of cool. Change gives us opportunities to learn. We can either accept or reject this offer. The temptation is to think about all the things we can't control and commiserate together. But that gets nowhere. Instead, we are looking at what we can control and learning as much as we can about cancer, nutrition, diseases, nursing, psychology, service, compassion, dedication, finances, healthcare, experimentation, time management, and how people can help us. It's awesome that I have a wife who loves to learn and share what she learns with others. Learning, by study and by faith, is how we thrive. Notice, I didn't say "get through it". Ya, sometimes, it sucks but when you are learning so much together and focusing on doing what you can, life stays awesome.
Ok so now for the math plug. I have to because I'm a math major.
Sometimes, life throws tough problems at you. Infinity is a pretty big problem. So is cancer. But we work through problems to become stronger and smarter than we were before. And that's learning. And even though the problem is hard, learning feels really good.
Some people have asked how I'm able to cope with all this. Well I don't really know. I guess the best I can do is to tell a story.
Recently, I started waking up every morning at 5:45 to exercise. So yesterday morning, in the spirit of exercise, I decided to go on a run as I had for the past few mornings. I took my phone because I wanted to jam out to funky music while I ran. Since it was dark in the wee hours of the morning, I ran carefully. However, as I turned the corner near the top of the Provo Temple, my body decided it would rather have me ice skating than running. As I was unprepared for this sudden change of events, I took a rather nasty tumble to the ground. I stayed there for a few seconds thinking such thoughts as "ouch" and "my knee" and "wow the stars are pretty in the morning". Then I rolled over to look at my phone.
Broken. Very broken.
I rolled back over and said, "Damn it."*
Then I thought, "I probably shouldn't say that so close to the temple."
Then to make it up to God, I said, "Well at least it's a broken phone and not a broken bone."
Then my knee started hurting pretty bad and I thought, "Damn, I spoke too soon."**
Fortunately, my knee was just scrapped up good and not broken. Eventually I got up, walked it off, and finished my run. It still hurts and I've got bandages on it but hey that's life. I went through phone withdrawals yesterday but it was kind of nice to just not have it. Plus, I got to look at my phone as an experiment. It was kind of cool how it broke and I can see the inner workings of some of the parts. Ya I will probably have to get a new phone but hey, this is an opportunity to learn something.
Now let's set one thing straight. My phone is not Sarah Kay in this analogy. My phone is a symbol of when life throws a curveball at you. One moment, life is in perfect condition and then things change. And change can be kind of cool. Change gives us opportunities to learn. We can either accept or reject this offer. The temptation is to think about all the things we can't control and commiserate together. But that gets nowhere. Instead, we are looking at what we can control and learning as much as we can about cancer, nutrition, diseases, nursing, psychology, service, compassion, dedication, finances, healthcare, experimentation, time management, and how people can help us. It's awesome that I have a wife who loves to learn and share what she learns with others. Learning, by study and by faith, is how we thrive. Notice, I didn't say "get through it". Ya, sometimes, it sucks but when you are learning so much together and focusing on doing what you can, life stays awesome.
Ok so now for the math plug. I have to because I'm a math major.
Sometimes, life throws tough problems at you. Infinity is a pretty big problem. So is cancer. But we work through problems to become stronger and smarter than we were before. And that's learning. And even though the problem is hard, learning feels really good.
*I did actually say and think these things
**I don't usually swear like this. My apologies to those who might be offended or surprised.
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