Poem: Dense

Dense

One step here and there.

My move and you’re still

but I can’t find you

or the path to where you are.

(pause)

You are not isolated

and I’m on my way

to whatever gate draws the line

of your restricted neighborhood.

(stop)

Behind the walls around

that keep me out of bounds

I invent myself through the open interval

to acceptance among your own.

(pause)

Now I’m here, but where?

The fullness which you fill!

Yet nowhere in sight

from any point of mine.

(stop)

In becoming acquainted,

unknown neighbors pass away

the confines of your connected circle

one by one must narrow in.

(pause)

Although you’re sought, not found,

gradually I can hear your sounds

and unmoving by will, not force

you are the limit of my need to know.

Don’t stop.

—Derek Miller, 10 March 2015

Poem: The Infinite Root

The Infinite Root

We can indeed

commune with the infinite;

the dedicated heart and mind

in effortful pursuit of truth

will find it.

And so he did, this man:

he made a claim which claimed his life

taken from him by his own kind

who thought not revelation

more powerful than convention.

A square triangulated

uniting two entities

with just one line,

so the legend goes…

Measure the line joining opposing corners

asking is it possible that a fraction

could describe the length of the line in question

after we square it?

Choosing very carefully numbers, letters

representing integers of a fraction

fully reduced, simplified into lowest

terms, we continue.

Note that with more algebra, we can show that

one of these two numbers, the top one, will be

even since it’s equal to twice some other

integer out there.

With this information, we know this even

number can be carefully crafted, squared and

then by two divided; the bottom number

also is even.

What we just discovered has led us to a

simple contradiction since both the even

numbers make a fraction which must again be

simplified further.

Measure the line joining opposing corners

knowing that there cannot exist a fraction

that describes the length of the line in question

after we square it.

Suppose it is true.

Can you find the contradiction?

We can indeed

commune with the infinite.

—Derek Miller, 24 February 2015

Poem: Cancer

Cancer

Cancer

has changed a lot of things

but most interesting of all it brings

a multiplicity of perspectives

and an increased propensity

to use my hells and damns.

—Derek Miller, 19 March 2015

Poem: Moore Laws

Moore Laws

It’s a 2-digit syntax we all speak

but don’t understand.

It’s something we made

but not what we planned.

Off and on hearing human phonics

while on and off go the electronics.

Anglophone, lusophone, francophone,

and so on,

but the truth is we’re all onaphone.

Upload.

Download.

Overload.

Moore’s law just adds more laws.

—Derek Miller, 21 Março 2015

Poem: Morning Run

Morning Run

It’s dark.

Today, I am the one who rises;

the sun wakes up to find me

waiting for her to begin the day.

It’s early

and slowly I feel the fog lift;

the dew of my morning mind

collected on my forehead

evaporates into the blanket of stillness

in which I am wrapped.

It’s calm.

But these ripples in the air

are caused by my movement

along the still, dry riverbed

running and bending up the mountain

to somewhere I have yet to know.

It’s loud.

My body chants to the drumbeat

set by the pace of each stride

and in my ears, the rhythm of my blood

mixes with the hurricane outside

in the ritual of praised endurance.

I’m thirsty.

I drink the cold and frigid air

fueling fire in my lungs

evicted as a cloud of vapor

and taste the saltwater rain

dripping from my face into my mouth.

I’m free.

Consistency in rhythmic motion is a dance.

Around and down from side to side

when on occasion my twisted form

slips on the forest path, I glide

retaining balance in graceful chaos.

I’m warm.

Painful passion fuels the embers

warding off fatigue, the predator

who lies in shadows of the mind

watching the waning light of will

which struggles, but will not go out.

I’m complete.

Today, my spent strength buys me vitality;

recovering from accumulated debt, I turn

and offer thanks to the source of wealth and view.

—Derek Miller, 9 March 2015

Cancer Round 2

ESPN Health Plus

UFC

SK vs H. Lymphoma

Bob: Here we are at the UVRMC about to witness Round 2 of 12 in what is proving to be an interesting fight early on in this battle for the Chemotherapy Champion Title.

Randy: That's right Bob. It's definitely been interesting to watch. You know, H. Lymphoma was really coming into this confident and looking strong. He knew that SK had been dealing with some Crohns disease injuries that were leaving her weak and underweight.

Bob: Yeah, she didn't quite look like she was strong enough to fight when the Round 1 started.

Randy: Well she held her own, even in those first few minutes of the round when things were pretty aggressive and even made quite a comeback in the last half of the first round.

Bob: We really didn't see much of H. Lymphoma in that second half and you know, that's been pretty typical of him. Early on in his career when his record was better, he was able to keep that intensity going throughout and that got him a lot of rounds and a lot of wins. But his style is very predictable now so his opponents know how to run him down even in these first few rounds. With the strategy that SK has, if H. Lymphoma doesn't adapt, he'll be a goner.

Randy: Absolutely. And to put the spotlight on SK for a minute, she has been phenomenal in her preparation for this fight. A lot of people who are injured early on in the season might find an excuse to lighten their training, but we only saw more training, more preparation and hard work from SK that seems to have paid off in the first round. She's tough; she's dedicated; and she's got a lot of guts! H. Lymphoma might be predictable but we can't forget to admire the kind of talent that's come from SK early in this fight.

Bob: You're right Randy, and I'm sure we'll see more of it in this next round that's about to begin. It's Round 2 of 12 for SK and H. Lymphoma set to begin in just a few minutes right here on ESPN Health Plus.

Chemotherapy

Tuesday is the beginning of chemotherapy. We have never felt so excited. I'm sure there are not too many people out there who are excited to start chemotherapy but it's funny how you want things you can't have—even if they are not fun things. As we've been gearing up for this next six months (this time for real) chemotherapy is suddenly less abstract than it has been. Still, we feel prepared to go through with it. It's not going to be fun, but we are ready to face it head on.

Sarah Kay went in for surgery to get a port installed so she doesn't have to get an IV every chemo treatment (they can access the port located just under her skin). She also went in for another CT scan so we can see what the cancer looks like just before treatment. That way, we will know how effectively the chemo is working.

With chemo just two days away, old emotions are finding their way back into my life. There are lots of unknowns. It takes some guts to face a situation and accept whatever will happen. We've prepared ourselves as best we know how. We improve the things we can control and pray for the strength to accept the things we cannot. We are positive and optimistic.

Tomorrow is cleaning day. We want everything to start off clean so that she doesn't get sick while her immune system is compromised.