Poem: Moore Laws

Moore Laws

It’s a 2-digit syntax we all speak

but don’t understand.

It’s something we made

but not what we planned.

Off and on hearing human phonics

while on and off go the electronics.

Anglophone, lusophone, francophone,

and so on,

but the truth is we’re all onaphone.

Upload.

Download.

Overload.

Moore’s law just adds more laws.

—Derek Miller, 21 Março 2015

Poem: Morning Run

Morning Run

It’s dark.

Today, I am the one who rises;

the sun wakes up to find me

waiting for her to begin the day.

It’s early

and slowly I feel the fog lift;

the dew of my morning mind

collected on my forehead

evaporates into the blanket of stillness

in which I am wrapped.

It’s calm.

But these ripples in the air

are caused by my movement

along the still, dry riverbed

running and bending up the mountain

to somewhere I have yet to know.

It’s loud.

My body chants to the drumbeat

set by the pace of each stride

and in my ears, the rhythm of my blood

mixes with the hurricane outside

in the ritual of praised endurance.

I’m thirsty.

I drink the cold and frigid air

fueling fire in my lungs

evicted as a cloud of vapor

and taste the saltwater rain

dripping from my face into my mouth.

I’m free.

Consistency in rhythmic motion is a dance.

Around and down from side to side

when on occasion my twisted form

slips on the forest path, I glide

retaining balance in graceful chaos.

I’m warm.

Painful passion fuels the embers

warding off fatigue, the predator

who lies in shadows of the mind

watching the waning light of will

which struggles, but will not go out.

I’m complete.

Today, my spent strength buys me vitality;

recovering from accumulated debt, I turn

and offer thanks to the source of wealth and view.

—Derek Miller, 9 March 2015

Cancer Round 2

ESPN Health Plus

UFC

SK vs H. Lymphoma

Bob: Here we are at the UVRMC about to witness Round 2 of 12 in what is proving to be an interesting fight early on in this battle for the Chemotherapy Champion Title.

Randy: That's right Bob. It's definitely been interesting to watch. You know, H. Lymphoma was really coming into this confident and looking strong. He knew that SK had been dealing with some Crohns disease injuries that were leaving her weak and underweight.

Bob: Yeah, she didn't quite look like she was strong enough to fight when the Round 1 started.

Randy: Well she held her own, even in those first few minutes of the round when things were pretty aggressive and even made quite a comeback in the last half of the first round.

Bob: We really didn't see much of H. Lymphoma in that second half and you know, that's been pretty typical of him. Early on in his career when his record was better, he was able to keep that intensity going throughout and that got him a lot of rounds and a lot of wins. But his style is very predictable now so his opponents know how to run him down even in these first few rounds. With the strategy that SK has, if H. Lymphoma doesn't adapt, he'll be a goner.

Randy: Absolutely. And to put the spotlight on SK for a minute, she has been phenomenal in her preparation for this fight. A lot of people who are injured early on in the season might find an excuse to lighten their training, but we only saw more training, more preparation and hard work from SK that seems to have paid off in the first round. She's tough; she's dedicated; and she's got a lot of guts! H. Lymphoma might be predictable but we can't forget to admire the kind of talent that's come from SK early in this fight.

Bob: You're right Randy, and I'm sure we'll see more of it in this next round that's about to begin. It's Round 2 of 12 for SK and H. Lymphoma set to begin in just a few minutes right here on ESPN Health Plus.

Chemotherapy

Tuesday is the beginning of chemotherapy. We have never felt so excited. I'm sure there are not too many people out there who are excited to start chemotherapy but it's funny how you want things you can't have—even if they are not fun things. As we've been gearing up for this next six months (this time for real) chemotherapy is suddenly less abstract than it has been. Still, we feel prepared to go through with it. It's not going to be fun, but we are ready to face it head on.

Sarah Kay went in for surgery to get a port installed so she doesn't have to get an IV every chemo treatment (they can access the port located just under her skin). She also went in for another CT scan so we can see what the cancer looks like just before treatment. That way, we will know how effectively the chemo is working.

With chemo just two days away, old emotions are finding their way back into my life. There are lots of unknowns. It takes some guts to face a situation and accept whatever will happen. We've prepared ourselves as best we know how. We improve the things we can control and pray for the strength to accept the things we cannot. We are positive and optimistic.

Tomorrow is cleaning day. We want everything to start off clean so that she doesn't get sick while her immune system is compromised.

Uncancerification

Good news! My wife Sarah Kay hasn't lost any weight for a whole month. Still sticking around 88 pounds. The doctor said that she probably won't gain any weight while she still has cancer but at least we are maintaining. Also, we were given the "go ahead" for chemotherapy! Exciting in many directions. This signals the end of dealing with the worst of Crohn's Disease but also the beginning of a chemically turbulent 6 months. We will be starting chemo in two weeks and she will have a session every 15 days until the end of July. We believe that with proper nutrition, we can help the chemo work more effectively and reduce some of the nasty symptoms that come with it. We will see how that goes.

Some people have asked how I'm able to cope with all this. Well I don't really know. I guess the best I can do is to tell a story.

Recently, I started waking up every morning at 5:45 to exercise. So yesterday morning, in the spirit of exercise, I decided to go on a run as I had for the past few mornings. I took my phone because I wanted to jam out to funky music while I ran. Since it was dark in the wee hours of the morning, I ran carefully. However, as I turned the corner near the top of the Provo Temple, my body decided it would rather have me ice skating than running. As I was unprepared for this sudden change of events, I took a rather nasty tumble to the ground. I stayed there for a few seconds thinking such thoughts as "ouch" and "my knee" and "wow the stars are pretty in the morning". Then I rolled over to look at my phone.

Broken. Very broken.

I rolled back over and said, "Damn it."*
Then I thought, "I probably shouldn't say that so close to the temple."
Then to make it up to God, I said, "Well at least it's a broken phone and not a broken bone."
Then my knee started hurting pretty bad and I thought, "Damn, I spoke too soon."**

Fortunately, my knee was just scrapped up good and not broken. Eventually I got up, walked it off, and finished my run. It still hurts and I've got bandages on it but hey that's life. I went through phone withdrawals yesterday but it was kind of nice to just not have it. Plus, I got to look at my phone as an experiment. It was kind of cool how it broke and I can see the inner workings of some of the parts. Ya I will probably have to get a new phone but hey, this is an opportunity to learn something.

Now let's set one thing straight. My phone is not Sarah Kay in this analogy. My phone is a symbol of when life throws a curveball at you. One moment, life is in perfect condition and then things change. And change can be kind of cool. Change gives us opportunities to learn. We can either accept or reject this offer. The temptation is to think about all the things we can't control and commiserate together. But that gets nowhere. Instead, we are looking at what we can control and learning as much as we can about cancer, nutrition, diseases, nursing, psychology, service, compassion, dedication, finances, healthcare, experimentation, time management, and how people can help us. It's awesome that I have a wife who loves to learn and share what she learns with others. Learning, by study and by faith, is how we thrive. Notice, I didn't say "get through it". Ya, sometimes, it sucks but when you are learning so much together and focusing on doing what you can, life stays awesome.

Ok so now for the math plug. I have to because I'm a math major.

Sometimes, life throws tough problems at you. Infinity is a pretty big problem. So is cancer. But we work through problems to become stronger and smarter than we were before. And that's learning. And even though the problem is hard, learning feels really good.

*I did actually say and think these things

**I don't usually swear like this. My apologies to those who might be offended or surprised.

Raw Milk

This message is brought to you by cows across the country. It might look like a plug from Chick-Fil-A but really, it's actually just me explaining what milk is all about.

Sarah Kay is lactose sensitive which just means that I have to be careful how I talk about milk in front of her otherwise she might start crying. Actually, that's a joke. She just doesn't process regular milk and dairy very well... or so it seems! Let's take a look at a gallon of milk and see what information we can glean from the data presented on this beloved substance:

Notice this lovely icon of the modern grocery store. This beautiful Kroger gallon of skim milk is interesting for several reasons.

1. It is self-promoting. Grade A with Vitamins A&D. Imagine two basketball players: LeBron James and me. LeBron is a magician on the court and practically flies when he goes in for the dunk. I'm a dude who hasn't spent a bunch of time playing basketball and I'm not fantastic. I suspect few people would need convincing to have LeBron on their team. I would have some persuading to do. That's because I am not obviously good. In fact, in order to get on a team, we might have to dress me up a bit with some nice Air Jordans, Nike Apparel and sweat bands. That's called self-promotion.

2. It has impressive longevity. Cool story, we can kind of resist the aesthetic effects of aging through artificial processes. Botox, plastic surgery and a shelf of fancy creams and lotions extend our looks and delay undesirable visual traits. However, even a 40-year-old who looks like a 20-year-old is still a 40-year-old. I'm not so sure all milks are good just because they haven't rotted yet.

3. It's pasteurized so that we don't get sick. Pasteurization is named in honor of the French scientist Louis Pasteur. He figured out that by bringing beer and wine to high temperatures, most of the bacteria responsible for spoiled beer and wine would be eliminated. This process has been used to rid our milk of dangerous pathogens that could potentially harm us. Unfortunately, this process also kills the enzymes that help us digest milk. But still, the dangers are real. Here is a statement from the CDC:

Among dairy product-associated outbreaks reported to CDC between 1998 and 2011 in which the investigators reported whether the product was pasteurized or raw, 79% were due to raw milk or cheese. From 1998 through 2011, 148 outbreaks due to consumption of raw milk or raw milk products were reported to CDC. These resulted in 2,384 illnesses, 284 hospitalizations, and 2 deaths. 

Ok that's a little scary. So now if you want to sell raw milk, you must have a permit. If you want to buy raw milk, you need to sign a waiver indicating you know the risk. But when was the last time you had to sign a waiver in order to buy your other grocery items? Let's compare milk statistics to other diseases from just the year 2011. According to the CDC:

Illnesses due to Staphylococcus aureus in 2011: 241,148

Hospitalizations due to E. coli in 2011: 2,138

Deaths due to Camplyobacter spp. in 2011: 76

All of these were food-borne related diseases (references at the end of the post). Apparently, the 13 years of data on raw milk related diseases pale in comparison to other food-borne diseases in the year 2011 alone. Plus, people have been drinking raw milk for thousands of years. So it might be possible that we overreacted to these statistics just a bit.

4. It's homogenized so that the fat is equally distributed throughout the milk instead of rising to the top. Wouldn't it be nice to equally distribute our body fat over our whole body? Probably not. I think it might improve the appearance of some people but in general, that would look rather odd. And I don't think it would be healthy for us. Well, here is what we do to milk when we homogenize it:

First, notice the little yellow circles (henceforth called fat globules) passing through this pump. This is done at very high pressures. What comes out the sides are smaller fat globules. Success! The fat doesn't rise to the top anymore. But wait! There's more. These fat globules are now exposed to certain enzymes that break down fat and make the milk taste awful. So how do we solve that problem? Boil and kill them (pasteurization). In the end, the chemistry of the milk is compromised and that can lead to heart disease and other chronic issues.

Let's talk about an alternative called Raw Milk. This stuff is as good as it gets. It is important to point out two different kinds of raw milk you can consume:

Raw milk from grain-fed cows is actually not as good as it gets. Since it is cheaper and produces meat with more fat, many farmers choose to feed their cows corn fed diets. Unfortunately, cow physiology doesn't process grain very well and it alters the milk that they produce. It's not healthy for the cows and definitely not the best.

Raw milk from grass-fed cows is definitely as good as it gets. This is the diet and lifestyle cows have been living for years. Grass-fed cows pass good nutrients on to the consumers of its milk.

In short, other kinds of milk are not necessarily bad but there are definitely trade-offs. You can choose between cheap, long-lasting and less healthy milk or expensive but way healthier raw milk. And we should be grateful we have the choice! 

Remember Sarah Kay's lactose sensitivity? Well, turns out it might just be pasteurization sensitivity. Raw milk (and the yogurt we make from it) seem to treat her just fine. Considering the health situation Sarah Kay and I are currently in, we definitely favor raw milk. In my last post I said that we eat real food. I'd like to make an addition. We eat real food that eats real food.

The data I referenced can be found by clicking on the following link: CDC Foodborne Illness and CDC Raw Milk.

Also, a decent video: Pasteurization and Homogenization

The Indomitable Machine

This is food. It might look kind of obvious but I've been surprised at how my perception of food has changed dramatically in the recent past. It all starts with my wife Sarah Kay.

We were married in early May of 2014. It was a phenomenal event thanks to the vision and work of quite a few people, in particular our families. We had an unorthodox honeymoon. We backpacked into the Grand Canyon and camped in Havasupai for 3 nights.

Sarah Kay wasn't feeling super strong but that wasn't super concerning. She was able to hike the rugged 12 miles in and 12 miles out pretty well. And thanks to some ingenious (but admittedly frightening) packing, we almost ran out of food which means we didn't have to carry excess food as we hiked up and out of the Grand Canyon. We probably should have packed more food...but instead of admitting to a lack of preparation we like to think of ourselves as being pretty fit and (mostly) smart.

After an awesome honeymoon, we headed out to New York City where an internship awaited Sarah Kay and unemployment awaited me. Sarah Kay loved her Graphic Design internship at Studio Case but I wasn't too fond of unemployment so I ditched it and successfully started a math tutoring business. We had so much fun and ate some really delicious food. Sarah Kay began showing signs of discomfort. Back and neck pain, difficulty swallowing and general fatigue were constant companions. Of course we thought she was probably just a little stressed from working so much and pushing her body pretty hard. Massages and running were our answers to deal with the stress. We noticed she had lost a lot of weight. Toward the end of our summer stay, we found a lump in her shoulder and two on her neck. That was odd. And then she nearly collapsed of fatigue on one of our morning runs. That was atypical. We knew something was wrong.

We moved back to Provo to continue school and immediately went to the doctor to see what was up. After surgery on a fateful September 11, the surgeon came out and told me that it looked like lymphoma. This was confirmed just a few days later.

BOOM! Cancer. In my face. Well, actually more like in her lymph nodes. Hodgkin's lymphoma, stage II, non-bulky, unfavorable was the official diagnosis. Fortunately, unfavorable does not refer to living statistics (which are very high thankfully) but instead indicates that the lymphoma is in more than one spot.

By this point, Sarah Kay had already lost a bunch of weight but she was still over 100 pounds. Since weight loss is common among cancer folk, we asked our doctor what to do about it. His answer was to increase the calories per bite. His examples? Eat ice cream topped with chocolate. Eat cake with whip cream. Eat toast with lots of butter. Hamburgers and fries—and make sure you eat them with sauce. Now this was a little strange. I don't find those examples particularly convincing if we are trying to aid a body in its fight against a life-threatening illness, although they are indeed calorie packed.

Sarah Kay was experiencing some digestive issues that needed to be taken care of before we started chemotherapy. What started out as a simple hemorrhoidectomy turned into 5 different hospital visits in one month where we experienced excruciating bowel movements and no healing (I say we because I have had to help her through a majority of bowel movements up to this point). Finally, the doctor ordered a colonoscopy. As some folks know, a colonoscopy is not the most pleasant experience—particularly for one who has open wounds that won't heal. We got the results of that procedure just a few days ago on December 3, which just happens to be Sarah Kay's birthday: Crohn's disease.

Let's take a break from this story to talk a little bit more about food. Food is stuff we eat. More specifically, it's stuff that we create for our bodies from things that the earth produces in hopes that it will give us the proper energy and strength to do the things we love and get things done. Somewhere along this line, we lost track of the whole focus on our bodies and instead, food production was outsourced to companies. A brief note on companies from Econ 101: their main focus is to maximize profit, not to give us energy and strength. When we outsourced our food production to companies, this produced a miracle—it bought us time. It saved us some money too. It also decreased the quality of our food. Of course, not all companies want people to be unhealthy. So they give us lots of choices and try to point out the different advantages of various goods. Gluten-free, antioxidants, calcium, omega-3, whole grain, fiber and the list goes on. These nutrient-words are printed with good intentions on things we can buy and eat from the store. Where don't you find these words? On fruits and vegetables. On meat and eggs. They don't need it. It is so incredibly obvious that they are foods. They don't need to say anything for you to know that they are probably good for you. Look at the picture at the top. That food doesn't need to convince you it's food. However, some of the things we have engineered have sure saved us a bunch of time but it is still a poor approximation of what really provides us with proper energy and strength. At the end of the day, companies end up selling us bundled nutrients instead of food.

Back to the story. At the time Sarah Kay was diagnosed with Crohn's disease, she weighed 87 pounds. Talking about 87 pounds is like talking about one million dollars. It's really hard to comprehend what that number even means or looks like. Unlike one million dollars though, it's not a lot. It's the combined effect Crohn's disease and Cancer on the body. We estimate that Sarah Kay has lost approximately 40 pounds since January. We probably look like idols as we visit our doctor every two weeks for a check-up at his office which is also a weight loss clinic. As a brief introduction to Crohn's disease, your body attacks the healthy bacteria in your digestive system which causes severe ulcers along the digestive tract. Sarah Kay's are mostly in her colon. They don't know why it happens and there is no cure for this life-long disease. They can only treat the symptoms using immuno-suppressors. If there is one thing Sarah Kay does not need right now, it is a compromised immune system.

There is a distinct link between food and Crohn's disease. Gluten and casein (a protein found in milk) have been found to be common culprits of inflammation and discomfort. Many people find that they can successfully control Crohn's disease by eating healthy food. We are still unsure what triggers Sarah Kay's symptoms but we have started by cutting out dairy (except homemade yogurt), grains, legumes and sugar. Already, the moment we began eating this way (shortly after the colonoscopy just before Thanksgiving) we started seeing some immediate results. Sarah Kay is no longer confined to a bed. She can walk around now which is saying a lot! She gained a pound. 88 pounds! One more pound and we could say it's symbolic (see D&C 89). She can have a bowel movement by herself. Our doctor said he finally saw the open wounds closing up at our last visit this past Tuesday. I suspect the yogurt to be instrumental. She didn't have any yogurt today and her bowels didn't feel quite as good. I think we might be on to something.

I think we often substitute the hard question of "Is it healthy?" with "Does it have any nutrients I recognize?" Worse, we sometimes replace "Is it good for me?" with "Does it taste good?" It's very expensive and time consuming for companies to produce meals that are healthy. It was very time consuming for us—that's why we outsourced it. It is even harder for companies to stay relevant and make a profit. That's why when faced between producing healthy foods and making a profit, the company will choose to live and make a profit. Not all companies sell us things that are unhealthy, but there are very few who actually produce real food.

We believe in Western medicine and we will gratefully take advantage of the knowledge and products available to us. We also believe in common sense and in giving the body what it needs and thrives on. We believe this is an unbeatable combination. Modern medicine with a diet of ice cream and cake sure sounds a lot like leaning on the arm of the flesh to me. Our bodies are machines with surprising capabilities. When we fuel them right, we can run and not be weary; walk and not faint. 

Most people, after learning what we don't eat, ask us "So... what do you eat?"

Our answer is one word: Food.